i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
