Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
