I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
