am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
