I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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