He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
