every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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