One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
