You work out of a Hotel?
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
