Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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