Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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