She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Randomize
