So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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