Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
