Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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