You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Randomize
