It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
