trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
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It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
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He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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