I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
