I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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