Kiss
Puke
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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