What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
