Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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