My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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