tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
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