Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I enjoy the company of your penis
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
