So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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