peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
