Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
