There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
