Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
