i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
