Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
