What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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