True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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