We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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