It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
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