Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
