C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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