I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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