that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Enjoy the penises
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
