I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
