i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Randomize
