I was born with a shot glass in my hand
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
