OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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