Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
pop tarts are not kleenex
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
