How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
