People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
