i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
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Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
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There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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