Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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