dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I want you more than these girls want KFC
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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