There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
