I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Enjoy the penises
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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