I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
it's great music for shaving your balls
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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