so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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