Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
