What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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