He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Randomize
