I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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