Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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