Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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