you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize