In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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