barbara walters just said penis...
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
i think my cat just said my name.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
