yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
