areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
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I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
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Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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