I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
