Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Randomize
