youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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