On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Randomize
