she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Randomize
