I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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