This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
