by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
