oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Randomize
