So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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